draft IX

by rachel

recently I’ve just been repeatedly thinking and writing about how we have so little time left in this school, how six years have just passed us by

I keep saying it, and even I am tired of how often I say it but I feel like I can’t say it enough or I haven’t found the right way to say it so I will continue trying to say it again and again – what I really want to say is how thankful I am for the past six years. For the people, for the joy, for the pain, for the growth, for the sense of community, for a family. Most of us have have never really belonged to another community where phrases like “hunt as a pack” and “fly in v-formation”, phrases that remind us we are in this together, we are stronger together, are uncommon. It is easy to forget that this isn’t a given wherever we go, that this, this is something special.

Last year gave me so much pain. But it gave me a lot of joy as well. Recently I’ve been trying to do my college applications and I’ve written a lot about the things that matter to me – anthropology, the aeta, my film, spoken word. But there’s one thing that I haven’t written about – school and leadership. Mostly because when I think about it I’m not sure where to start. All I know is that despite the tears and the late nights, it is an experience that I will be thankful for, over and over again. It was through it that I realized how much this school matters to me, how much the community and our experiences matter to me. There were, and are still decisions and changes being made that I disagree with. But I’m not sure – at the same time I’ve also come to the recognition that people genuinely are trying to do what they believe is best for the school. Maybe it’s not what we believe is best but who’s to say??

“people think we are idealistic and it’s not possible but sometimes when you hold yourself up to those ideals you realize there’s so much more you can do. (…) it’s not about it being crazy that the kids spend so many hours doing art, so many hours being out in the community, it’s not that these things distract from their work, it’s just different ways for them to grow, to complement their learning. (…) but that’s what I always believed la, what can we do??”

I don’t deny that a large part of the changes that are being made are in response to the student community’s feedback, that we are incredibly busy etc. etc. but I think sometimes even we don’t know what we are capable of doing until we are pushed to do it. Instead of pulling the bar lower, why not continue holding it up high but providing as much support as possible to ensure we all get there?? I know all this is easier said than done but it’s been done before and I believe it can be done again??

But I didn’t mean for this to go down this thread of thought sigh perhaps this is a conversation I can have again soon but I don’t think now is the time for it anymore. I guess what I really wanted to say was that these experiences, the things I’ve gone through, I’m truly thankful for them and I really do believe that they’ve changed me for the better. And I so dearly want these things to exist as part of the school years from now. I don’t know if it will happen but I really do hope it will.

And again, I feel like there’s so much more yet to be said. But I am testing out all the different ways to say this in the process. I hope there’s some value in that.