by rachel

it’s been so long since the last time I wrote or posted here. time has floated past in a strange way the past three months; such different rhythms from my past few months at college. at yale everything moves faster, each day passed in a blur of jumping out of bed, speed walking to class, readings, food, pockets of time with friends, walking back, showers, short chats. next year i will return to a different room and i will no longer have other rachel to come home to. i will have my own space but perhaps less of a reason for it now. it still pains me a little. there are days i feel resolved with it all, like regardless of how it all turns out everything will be okay. and i still believe that, resolutely, that it will be okay. but that sense of 不舍得 won’t leave me for awhile i think.

it is 9.09pm and the sun is still gently warming the horizon – it is summer and the sun refuses to sleep. my body is cheated into thinking it is much earlier, that perhaps it is 6 and i still have over twelve hours of sleep waiting for me. but this is all untrue.